Tempin' ain't easy.

2009-02-05T10:52:00.002-05:00

Holy moly.

2008-11-24T10:02:00.001-05:00

That Mormon's talking some sense!

2008-11-19T09:35:00.003-05:00

(Likely the first time that's ever been said....)

Mitt Romney's op-ed about the automotive industry offers some pretty compelling points. When I was in high school and first learning about economics, I was anti-union. Through college, learning more about economics and American history, I turned pro-union. Now, I'm kind of pro-union theory, anti-(most) union practice (in full disclosure, I feel the same about free market capitalism; great in theory, way too prone to corruption in practice - the invisible hand is a myth). Anyway, the UAW is a perfect example of a poorly run union. Its practices were great for the post-War automotive boom, but without making adjustments - and concessions - for a changing market after, say, 1970 it's done a disservice to its members, current and retired. Current workers were and are hurt by the burdens of "the best pensions" in the world, retired workers are hurt by the fact that those unsustainable pensions are being cut and dumped and they're left with nothing to show. Romney's suggestion of cut benefits and increased profit sharing and stock options seem to be a logical solution*.

On the other side of the bargaining table, I was impressed by his suggestion to cut executive salaries and perks (private jets, corporate dining rooms). ("What a Michael Moore pinko piece of crazy!") Ben & Jerry's attempt at hiring a CEO that made only seven times the lowest paid employee was, of course, too extreme and a complete failure, but the idea of reining in pay at the top isn't necessarily a bad one. Even decreasing the rate of raises would be a start.

It seems like the American automotive industry is royally boned, but it's not necessarily hopeless. A win/win bailout package (in which Detroit is made to present the ways in which it will reform itself - and then follow through - to ensure the money isn't just blown through) could get things back on track.

* Perhaps the best solution would be to cut pension benefits and increase stock options on a sliding scale with the most recent retirees seeing the most of their benefits converted to stock, the oldest retirees, the least. (This would probably have to be legalesed up to prevent it from some sort of age discrimination suit; I'm not even sure this is legal or possible, anyway....) Since the market's in the tank, the oldest retirees would be most hurt by lost benefits - but also likliest to, uh, not draw on their benefits for too long; younger retirees might be hurt in the short term but could significantly benefit....

2008-10-30T14:23:00.001-04:00

2008-10-23T14:58:00.001-04:00

Watch more Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job! videos on AOL Video

SECURE DONKEY PRODUCTS STORE

2008-09-26T11:11:00.003-04:00

At only $25/year, you have to ask yourself if you can afford not to subscribe.

2008-09-23T14:36:00.001-04:00

Man, Mark Cuban's Awesome

2008-09-19T10:38:00.004-04:00

Okay, so Josh Howard did some dumb, dumb shit by bagging on the National Anthem, true. There was bound to be some backlash, much of which would be (and was) directed at Howard's employer, Mark Cuban.

But boy oh boy did Cuban one up the critics. On the one hand, I'd love to read some of the responses these people got after their emails hit the internet. On the other, it'd probably be depressing to read the supportive emails that they'll probably get (some from each other, no doubt).

Like a far-left liberal who's oft-touted tolerance extends only to those that share their opinions, there's little that amuses me (in the most depressing way) as a "patriot" that implies that the freedom of speech extends only to those that talk about how great America is.... "While I man not agree with what you say, I'll defend to the death my right to not know what freedom of speech means."

Finally, though, I should mention that there's little that disappoints me more than people that blindly rail against the United States. You may think that George W. Bush is a dipshit, or worse, a man that's single-handedly redefined the role of the American President, and not for the better, but the American flag and the National Anthem don't just represent the Bush Administration. Nor do they just represent Obama/Biden. They represent all of them and all of us. Burning an American flag is a kind of ignorant act, because as scandalous as it might seem, it doesn't just represent protesting things one doesn't agree with, but it represents the things in this country one does with.

And really, the beauty of the American Democracy is that (in theory, and mostly in practice), if there's something you don't agree with, you have the ability to do something about it.

UPDATE: Good lookin' out, Matt; apparently Cubes did pull the post. But like mentioned in the comments here, the page is straight up cached. Hooray internet!

2008-09-18T10:03:00.001-04:00

Sarah Palin's Speech

2008-09-04T11:07:00.005-04:00

GOV. PALIN: Thank you. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you. Thank you. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you so much. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you so much. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you so much. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you so much. (Cheers, applause.)

Mr. Chairman, delegates and fellow citizens, I will be honored to accept your nomination for vice president of the United States. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you. (Cheers, applause.)

I accept the call to help our nominee for president to serve and defend America, and I accept the challenge of a tough fight in this election against confident opponents at a crucial hour for our country. And I accept the privilege of serving with a man who has come through much harder missions and met far graver challenges and knows how tough fights are won, the next president of the United States, John S. McCain. (Cheers, applause.)

It was just a year ago when all the experts in Washington counted out our nominee because he refused to hedge his commitment to the security of the country he loves. With their usual certitude, they told us that all was lost. There was no hope for this candidate who said that he would rather lose an election than see his country lose a war. (Cheers, applause.)

But the pollsters -- the pollsters and the pundits, they overlooked just one thing when they wrote him off. They overlooked the caliber of the man himself, the determination and resolve and the sheer guts of Senator John McCain. (Cheers, applause.)

The voters knew better. And maybe that's because they realize there's a time for politics and a time for leadership; a time to campaign and a time to put our country first. (Cheers, applause.)

Our nominee for president is a true profile in courage, and people like that are hard to come by. He's a man who wore the uniform of his country for 22 years and refused to break faith with those troops in Iraq who now have brought victory within sight. Within sight, huh? Some sort of super, bionic sight.... (Cheers, applause.)

And as the mother of one of those troops, that is exactly the kind of man I want as commander in chief. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you.

AUDIENCE MEMBERS: (Chanting.) USA! USA! USA! USA!

GOV. PALIN: I'm just one of many moms who will say an extra prayer each night for our sons and daughters going into harm's way. Our son Track is 19, and one week from tomorrow, September 11th, he'll deploy to Iraq with the Army infantry in the service of his country. My nephew Casey (sp) also enlisted and serves on a carrier in the Persian Gulf. My family is so proud of both of them, and of all the fine men and women serving the country in uniform. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you.

AUDIENCE MEMBERS: (Chanting.) USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

GOV. PALIN: So Track is the eldest of our five children. In our family, it's two boys and three girls in between, my strong and kind- hearted daughters, Bristol and Willow and Piper. (Cheers, applause.)

And we were so blessed in April; Todd and I welcomed our littlest one into the world, a perfectly beautiful baby boy named Trig. Theirs? Bum, bum, BUMMMMM! (Cheers, applause.)

You know, from the inside, no family ever seems typical, and that's how it is with us. Our family has the same ups and downs as any other, the same challenges and the same joys, sometimes even the greatest joys bring challenge. And children with special needs inspire a very, very special love. To the families of special needs -- (cheers, applause) -- to the families of special needs children all across this country, I have a message for you. For years, you've sought to make America a more welcoming place for your sons and daughters.

And I pledge to you that if we're elected, you will have a friend and advocate in the White House. (Cheers, applause.)

And Todd is a story all by himself. He's a lifelong commercial fisherman and a production operator in the oil fields of Alaska's North Slope, and a proud member of the Untied Steelworkers Union. Todd's a one-man Discovery Channel show. (Cheers, applause.) And Todd is a world champion snow machine racer. (Cheers, applause.) Throw in his Yupik Eskimo ancestry, and it all makes for quite a package. And we met in high school, and two decades and five children later, he's still my guy. (Cheers, applause.)

My mom and dad both worked at the elementary school in our small town, and among the many things I owe them is a simple lesson that I've learned: that this is America, and every woman can walk through every door of opportunity. And my parents are here tonight. (Cheers, applause.) I am so proud to be the daughter of Chuck and Sally Heath. (Cheers, applause continuing.)

Long ago, a young farmer and a haberdasher from Missouri, he followed an unlikely path -- (cheers) -- he followed an unlikely path to the vice presidency. Okay, so it's Truman, but she kinda makes it sound like her dad....

And a writer observed, "We grow good people in our small towns, with honesty and sincerity and dignity."

And I know just the kind of people that writer had in mind when he praised Harry Truman. I grew up with those people. They're the ones who do some of the hardest work in America, who grow our food and run our factories and fight our wars. They love their country in good times and bad and a good thing for that, too, *cougheconomycough* -- (cheers, applause) -- and they're always proud of America. (Sustained cheers, applause.)

I had the privilege of living most of my life in a small town. I was just your average hockey mom and signed up for the PTA. (Cheers, applause.)

AUDIENCE: (Chanting.) Hockey moms! Hockey moms! Hockey moms! Hahahahaha. Hockey moms! Hockey moms!

GOV. PALIN: (Laughs.) I love those hockey moms. You know, they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: lipstick. (Laughter, cheers, applause.) And make sure you keep that lipstick fresh, toots. /slaps ass

So I signed up for the PTA because I wanted to make my kids' public education even better. Like abstinence only sex ed. So far, so good. And when I ran for city council, I didn't need focus groups and voter profiles because I knew those voters and I knew their families, too.

Before I became governor of the great state of Alaska -- (cheers, applause) -- I was mayor of my hometown. And since our opponents in this presidential election seem to look down on that experience, let me explain to them what the job involves. (Cheers, applause.) I guess -- (interrupted by chants of "Sarah! Sarah!") -- I guess a small-town mayor if sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities. (Cheers, applause.) How exactly does that explain what the job involves?

I might add -- I might add that in small towns, we don't quite know what to make of a candidate who lavishes praise on working people when they're listening, and then talks about how bitterly they cling to their religion and guns when those people aren't listening. (Cheers, applause.) No, we tend to prefer candidates who don't talk about us one way in Scranton and another way in San Francisco. (Cheers, applause.) That's a pretty good burn.

As I for my running mate, you can be certain that wherever he goes and whoever is listening, John McCain is the same man. (Cheers, applause.) He certainly wouldn't change his tune to pander to a crow d.

Well, I'm not a member of the permanent political establishment. (Cheers, applause.) And I've learned quickly these last few days that if you're not a member in good standing of the Washington elite, then some in the media consider a candidate unqualified for that reason alone. (Booing.)

But -- (booing continues) -- but -- (booing, chanting) -- now here's a little news flash -- (chanting and shouting) -- now here's a little news flash for those reporters and commentators: I'm not going to Washington to seek their good opinion. I'm going to Washington to serve the people of this great country. (Cheers, applause, chanting.)

Americans expect us to go to Washington for the right reason, and not just to mingle with the right people. Politics isn't just a game of clashing parties and competing interests.

The right reason is to challenge the status quo, to serve the common good and to leave this nation better than we found it. (Cheers, applause.) You'd be pretty hard-pressed to leave the country worse off than you're finding it now.

No one expects us all to agree on everything, but we are expected to govern with integrity and good will and clear convictions and a servant's heart. And I pledge to all Americans that I will carry myself in this spirit as vice president of the United States. (Cheers, applause.)

This was the spirit that brought me to the governor's office when I took on the old politics as usual in Juneau, when I stood up to the special interests and the lobbyists and the Big Oil companies and the good old boys. Yeah, stick it to the oil companies! By letting them drill in ANWR! And polar bears? Fuck 'em. Suddenly, I realized that sudden and relentless reform never sits well with entrenched interests and power brokers. That's why true reform is so hard to achieve. But with the support of the citizens of Alaska, we shook things up and in short order we put the government of our state back on the side of the people. (Cheers, applause.)

I came to office promising major ethics reform to end the culture of self-dealing, and today that ethics reform is the law. While I was at it, I got rid of a few things in the Governor's Office that I didn't believe our citizens should have to pay for.

That luxury jet was over the top. (Cheers, applause.) I put it on eBay. (Laughter, cheers, applause.) I love to drive myself to work. Instead of public transportation, cuz like I said, drilling in Alaska's a lot easier than taking the bus. And I thought we could muddle through without the governor's personal chef to hell with that working American, although I got to admit that sometimes my kids sure miss her. (Laughter.)

I came to office promising to control spending, by request if possible, but by veto if necessary. (Cheers, applause.) Senator McCain also, he promises to use the power of veto in defense of the public interest. And as a chief executive, I can assure you it works. (Cheers, applause.)

Our state budget is under control. We have a surplus. And I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending, nearly half a billion dollars in vetoes. (Cheers, applause.)

We suspended the state fuel tax and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress. I told the Congress "thanks, but no thanks" on that bridge to nowhere. (Cheers, applause.) Literally: Thanks. And then later, No thanks. If our state wanted to build a bridge, we were going to build it ourselves. (Cheers, applause.)

When oil and gas prices went up dramatically and filled up the state treasury, I sent a large share of that revenue back where it belonged: directly to the people of Alaska. (Cheers, applause.)

And despite fierce opposition from oil company lobbyists who kind of liked things the way that they were, we broke their monopoly on power and resources. As governor, I insisted on competition and basic fairness to end their control of our state and return it to the people. (Cheers, applause.)

I fought to bring about the largest private-sector infrastructure project in North American history. And when that deal was struck, we began a nearly $40 billion natural gas pipeline to help lead America to energy independence. (Cheers, applause.) That pipeline, when the last section is laid and its valves are open, will lead America one step farther away from dependence on dangerous foreign powers that do not have our interests at heart.

The stakes for our nation could not be higher. When a hurricane strikes in the Gulf of Mexico, this country should not be so dependent on imported oil that we're forced to draw from our Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

(Applause.) And families cannot throw more and more of their paychecks on gas and heating oil. (Applause.)

With Russia wanting to control a vital pipeline in the Caucasus and to divide and intimidate our European allies by using energy as a weapon, we cannot leave ourselves at the mercy of foreign suppliers. (Cheers, applause.) And speaking of Russia....

To confront the threat that Iran might seek to cut off nearly a fifth of the world's energy supplies, or that terrorists might strike again at the Abqaiq facility in Saudi Arabia, or that Venezuela might shut off its oil discoveries and its deliveries of that source, Americans -- need to produce more of our own oil and gas. (Cheers, applause.) And take it from a gal who knows the North Slope of Alaska; we've got lots of both. (Cheers, applause, chanting.) And take it from a gal who knows the North Slope of Alaska; nothing could ever go wrong with oil in Alaska.

(Inaudible.) Our opponents say again and again that drilling will not solve all of America's energy problems, as if we didn't know that already. (Laughter.) But the fact -- the fact that drilling, though, won't solve every problem is no excuse to do nothing at all. (Cheers, applause.)

Starting in January, in a McCain-Palin administration, we're going to lay more pipelines and build more nuclear plants and create jobs with clean coal - like jumbo shrimp! lolz - and move forward on solar, wind, geothermal and other alternative sources. (Cheers, applause.)

We need -- (cheers, applause) -- we need American sources of resources. We we need American energy brought to you by American ingenuity and produced by American workers. (Cheers, applause.)

Now, I've noticed a pattern with our opponent, and maybe you have too. We've all heard his dramatic speeches before devoted followers, and there is much to like and admire about our opponent. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or even a reform, not even in the state senate. (Cheers, applause.) This is a man who can give an entire speech about the wars America is fighting and never use the word "victory" -- except when he's talking about his own campaign. (Cheers, applause.) Because saying "victory" enough makes it happen, apparently. MISSION ACCOMPLISED!

But when the cloud of rhetoric has passed, when the roar of the crowd fades away, when the stadium lights go out and those styrofoam Greek columns are hauled back to some studio lot -- (laughter, cheers, applause) -- when that happens, what exactly is our opponent's plan?

What does he actually seek to accomplish after he's done turning back the waters and healing the planet? Ha. Who'd ever want to heal the planet? What a dope. (Laughter, applause.) The answer -- the answer is to make government bigger and take more of your money and give you more orders from Washington and to reduce the strength of America in a dangerous world. (Boos.) We don't want to give you any orders. Unless you're gay. And the world is a scary place. Best to not ask questions!

America needs more energy. Our opponent is against producing it. Victory in Iraq is finally in sight and he wants to forfeit. Again, whose sight is that? (Boos.) Terrorist states are seeking nuclear weapons without delay. He wants to meet them without preconditions. (Boos.) Al Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America, and he's worried that someone won't read them their rights. (Boos, cheers, applause.) Let's not forget September 11th, 2001. And the lesson we gave Al Qeada by...invading...Iraq.

Government is too big. He wants to grow it.

Congress spends too much money. He promises more. Taxes are too high, and he wants to raise them.

His tax increase are the fine print in his economic plan. And let me be specific. The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes and raise payroll taxes and raise investment income taxes -- (boos) -- and raise the death tax -- (boos) -- and raise business taxes -- (boos) -- and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars. (Boos.) I think eight years of Republican economic planning is enough to show we're on the right track!

My sister Heather and her husband, they just built a service station that's now open for business. Like millions of others who run small businesses, how are they -- (applause) -- how are they going to be better off if taxes go up? Or maybe you are trying to keep your job at a plant in Michigan or in Ohio -- (cheers) -- or you're trying -- you're trying to create jobs from clean coal from Pennsylvania or West Virginia. (Cheers, applause.) Or you're trying to keep a small farm in the family right here in Minnesota. (Cheers, applause.) How are you -- how are you going to be better off if our opponent adds a massive tax burden to the American economy?

Here's how I look at the choice Americans face in this election. In politics, there are some candidates who use change to promote their careers. And then there are those, like John McCain, who use their careers to promote change. (Cheers, applause.) Senator McCain is so serious about energy policy that he uses his career to promote change. By not showing up for votes!

They are the ones whose names appear on laws and landmark reforms, not just on buttons and banners or on self-designed presidential seals. That's a good burn, too, actually.

AUDIENCE: Ooh! (Applause.)

GOV. PALIN: Among politicians, there is the idealism of high- flown speechmaking in which crowds are stirringly summoned to support great things, and then there is the idealism of those leaders, like John McCain, who actually do great things. (Cheers, applause.) They're the ones who are good for more than talk, the ones that we've always been able to count on to serve and to defend America.

Senator McCain's record of actual achievements and reform helps explain why so many special interests and lobbyists and comfortable committee chairmen in Congress have fought the prospect of a McCain presidency from the primary election of 2000 to this very day. Of course, there were those that wanted to smear Senator McCain in the past, but that's okay. They're on our payroll now! Our nominee doesn't run with the Washington herd. He's a man who is there to serve his country, and not just his party; a leader who's not looking for a fight, but sure isn't afraid of one either. (Cheers, applause.)

Harry Reid, the majority of the current do-nothing Senate -- (boos) -- he not long ago summed up his feelings about our nominee.

He said, quote, "I can't stand John McCain." (Laughter.) Ladies and gentlemen, perhaps no accolade we hear this week is better proof that we've chosen the right man. (Cheers, applause.)

Clearly, what the majority leader was driving at is that he can't stand up to John McCain -- (laughter, cheers) -- and that is only -- that's only one more reason to take the maverick out of the Senate, put him in the White House. (Cheers, applause.)

My fellow citizens, the American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of personal discovery. (Laughter, cheers, applause.) This world of threats and dangers, it's not just a community and it doesn't just need an organizer. (Laughter.)

And though both Senator Obama and Senator Biden have been going on lately about how they're always, quote, "fighting for you," let us face the matter squarely. There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you. (Sustained cheers, applause.) There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you in places where winning means survival and defeat means death, and that man is John McCain. (Cheers, applause.)

You know, in our day, politicians have readily shared much lesser tales of adversity than the nightmare world -- the nightmare world in which this man and others equally brave served and suffered for their country. And it's a long way from the fear and pain and squalor of a six-by-four cell in Hanoi to the Oval Office. (Cheers, applause.)

But if Senator McCain is elected president, that is the journey he will have made. It's a journey of an upright and honorable man, the kind of fellow whose name you will find on war memorials in small towns across this great country, only he was among those who came home. To the most powerful office on Earth, he would bring the compassion that comes from having once been powerless, the wisdom that comes even to the captives by the grace of God -- (cheers, applause) -- the special confidence of those who have seen evil and have seen how evil is overcome. (Cheers, applause.) A fellow -- a fellow prisoner of war, a man named Tom Moe of Lancaster, Ohio -- (extended cheers and applause) -- Tom Moe recalls looking through a pin hole in his cell door as Lieutenant Commander John McCain was led down the hallway by the guards day after day.

And the story is told, when McCain shuffled back from the torturous interrogation, he would turn toward Moe's door and he'd flash a grin and thumbs-up, as if to say, "We're going to pull through this."

My fellow Americans, that is the kind of man America needs to see us through the next four years. (Cheers, applause.)

For a season, a gifted speaker can inspire with his words. But for a lifetime, John McCain has inspired with his deeds. (Cheers, applause.) If character is the measure in this election, and hope the theme, and change the goal we share, then I ask you to join our cause. Join our cause and help America elect a great man as the next president of the United States. (Cheers, applause.)

Thank you, and God bless America. Thank you. (Cheers, applause.)

Finally, it's apparently cool to call Palin a VPILF, but a word to the wise: If you get a chance at the ILF part, wrap that shit up, 'cause you know what's gonna happen if she gets knocked up....

Garfield gimmicks might be getting a little old...

2008-08-14T13:30:00.002-04:00

But this one's not too bad.

2008-08-05T13:30:00.001-04:00

Holy cow! Harvester looks awesome!

2008-06-23T11:58:00.001-04:00

2008-06-20T11:17:00.002-04:00

This is my new favorite animated gif.

2008-06-19T12:21:00.002-04:00

Oh, Babel Fish

2008-06-18T13:08:00.002-04:00

For kicks, I decided to use Babel Fish to translate the first paragaph of Moby Dick into Japanese and then translate the translation back to English.

Before:

"Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off - then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me."

After:

"Me Ishmael telephone. In my wallet your most money, and specific what makes interest coastal me cause, it has, before a certain year - under any condition which rank accurately the air you do not have to make, - I concerning me, navigated a little thought of that you look at the part which includes the water of the world. It is to adjust method, and the circulation which that me running the spleen and going away has. When finding the fact that you are brought up strictly me by your concerning the mouth, with when; When that is the humidity, with when, November of drizzle pattern of my mind; When finding the fact that I by my stop reluctantly before the warehouse of the casket, raise me on the rear section of all funerals, meet with anytime; And especially my hyposulfite from me that kind of time when it is dominant with anytime, strong morality I walk that prudently in sort, organizational people' That the fact that it hits is prevented, it requires; Arrive the hat of s other than and, I when that tide time I is possible, to the sea immediately, you explain. This is my representation of the pistol and sphere. Gorgeousness of philosophy Cato throws him himself to that sword with; I take gently in the boat. There is no unexpected at all now. But them when you know that, the ocean where their, times or other things as for all people, I have almost been attached the same feeling at a little place is made already important."

I don't need any more details.

2008-05-29T09:03:00.002-04:00

Stuart Sugarman is a big time dickweed. (Please don't sue me, Stewy.)

Click on the picture for more hilarity

2008-05-23T13:22:00.003-04:00

Now THAT is some restaurant quality lemonade...

2008-05-22T10:06:00.000-04:00

Er...comedy.

Here.

An odd way to write a joke....

2008-05-21T12:10:00.004-04:00

During Conan's monologue the other night, he made a joke about Wii Fit (the punch line was: "When you turn it on, it says, 'Go outside, fat ass.'"). Anyway, the set up went like:

Conan: How many of you play the Nintendo Wii?
Audience: (applause)
Conan: Well, the people that make the Nintendo Wii have just released something called Wii Fit....

Immediately, I was like, "the people that make the Nintendo Wii"? You mean Nintendo?

Nitpicky, sure, but I thought it was a pretty clumsy sentence.

The end.

The Dogway Melody is, without hyperbole, the greatest thing in the history of Western civilization.

2008-05-15T14:02:00.001-04:00

I couldn't have written it better if I'd written it myself...

2008-05-09T12:35:00.002-04:00

Which wouldn't have been better, even if I'd written it.

"Phone sex is the dumbest thing in the world. It's not sex. It's like calling a restaurant and asking them to describe their food. That’s not the same thing as eating. No guy wants to sit on the phone for 2 hours and talk dirty to a girl. We don’t like talking to girls on the phone to begin with. That shit is boring. I hate to be the one to break this to you ladies, but if your boyfriend spends two hours on the phone with you describing an evening of erotic delights, your boyfriend is unquestionably queer."

It's the caffeine, the nicotine, the miligrams of tar...

2008-05-02T12:31:00.004-04:00

Atmosphere and Binary Star (for free) at the Union Terrace is still one of the best shows I've seen. Over the last few years, though, I've been less and less into Atmosphere. I pretty much swore them off after Sevens Travels.

Their new album, When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold is out now (faring pretty mediocre-ly; The Onion likes it, no surprise, The Village Voice doesn't - "...the barista-strum acoustic rap of "Guarantees" aims for Elliott Smith and ends up with Uncle Kracker" is a fantastic zinger) and regardless of my general complacency regarding their music, I'm happy for those dudes that their record debuted at #5 on the Billboard 200.

So way to go, guys.

2008-04-22T09:54:00.001-04:00

The Prince of Not Eating Meat

2008-04-18T09:52:00.004-04:00

Reading my boy Nate's blog today, I remembered something I wanted to write the other day. The other day there was some sort of Toss Up or Role Play on PTI that had to do with whether or not Prince Fielder's much talked about vegetarian lifestyle choice has adversely affected his power (since, then, he hadn't hit one out in, like, 46 at bats).

Now to get in the Wayback Machine, for those that don't know, Prince's wife slid him a book about the horrors of factory farming and slaughterhouses and he swore off meat as a result. Everybody then started wondering if the lack of delicious meats would compromise his mighty swing. The thing I thought then (and still think now) is that there's a much more responsible decision that the Fielders could make that would still allow for Prince to mau on a porterhouse: eat locally, humanely raised and slaughtered meats. Sure, that means no steaks from Grizzlebees on road trips, but finding grass fed, pasture raised beef in southeastern Wisconsin should be no problem.

In fact, I think every vegetarian or vegan that chooses their diet for ethical reasons (and not food allergies or whatever) should do this. And here's why:

(Sweeping generalization alert.)

People that are likely to give up meat due to concerns for animal well being are also people that would be likely to buy meat and dairy from small, local farmers who are likely to raise and slaughter their animals more humanely than gigantor meat and dairy producers.

Most people that consume meat and dairy products don't think about the animals from which their food comes and get their meat and dairy from supermarkets.

People who are going to be convinced to give up meat aren't John and Jane Q. Public, they're Jonathan and Jane Q. Public Radio. So when an animal rights type convinces somebody to quit meat or dairy instead of convincing that person to make better decisions about the meat or dairy they buy, they're not convincing the Super Walmart grocery shoppers, they're convincing the farmer's market shoppers and, by the transitive property of...transitiveness, taking away money from farmer's that actually give a rip about their animals while doing nothing to Global Meat Corp.'s bottom line.

So there you have it.

Grass fed burgers with organic aged cheddar for everyone!

(If you want a better laid out explanation of this stuff - I'm looking at you, Prince Fielder's wife - try The Omnivore's Dilemma.)

Oh, college journalism....

2008-04-16T09:30:00.001-04:00

Normally, columns in college newspapers miss way, way more than they hit. This one, though, actually gives a lot of food for thought. Good pairings, all.

Best EVAR?

2008-04-14T11:31:00.002-04:00

Nerve and IFC have compiled the 50 Greatest Comedy Sketches of All Time. It's too bad they couldn't have the video for all of them....

Plus, I hadn't thought of it 'til reading the article, but how absurd is it that SNL hasn't released a Wayne's World compilation? Sibilance. Sibilance.

Enough with the sad bastard post at the top....

2008-04-14T10:36:00.001-04:00

Here are some dunks....

Really a touching column

2008-04-07T11:27:00.002-04:00

I read Savage Love every week. By now, I've read him answer about every question you can imagine, so it's rarely new, but almost always funny. You can tell by his writing (and through his television interviews, if you've seen them), that Dan Savage is a really sharp guy.

This week, though, he showed he's a great writer, too, with a sad, beautiful remembrance of his mother.

2008-02-29T10:41:00.000-05:00

Petite feet is hilarious. Great Job!

2008-02-28T09:35:00.001-05:00

Oh dag, HD-DVD is dead.

2008-02-12T10:22:00.001-05:00

I think this has got to be the final nail in the coffin. Right?

It's adorable until you realize they're working on a plan to overthrow man...

2008-02-05T14:46:00.001-05:00

This is, maybe, a little overkill...

2008-02-01T12:22:00.001-05:00

I don't mind the cold weather.

2008-02-01T09:21:00.000-05:00

Real winters aren't for everybody, but this is kind of awesome.

When I was a kid.

2008-01-31T12:30:00.001-05:00

When I was a kid, there was this one night that my family (well, my mom and brother and I... my dad was bowling) was watching tv - Murphy Brown or something - and there was a commercial for Pizza Hut and it occurred to me that when I was an adult, I'd have the ability to have a pizza delivered to my house whenever I wanted one. Like, if it was a Tuesday night at 10 o'clock and I'd already had dinner but was watching tv and decided I wanted a pizza, I could get one.

Appendix I

There was only one restaurant that delivered pizzas in my hometown, and 10 o'clock on a Tuesday is probably after their cut-off time.

Appendix II

The nearest Pizza Hut was 8 miles away, and our town was probably out of their delivery area.

Appendix III

As an adult, I have never randomly ordered a pizza just because I could.

Kochalka is great.

2008-01-22T12:56:00.000-05:00

2008-01-18T14:25:00.001-05:00

For Matt

2008-01-16T14:53:00.001-05:00

Here you go.

2008-01-15T12:08:00.001-05:00

High School Musical basically is to kids as Tyler Perry movies are to black people and Larry the Cable guy is to retards.

A David Cross Blog Conspiracy!

2008-01-07T12:51:00.001-05:00

Because I said so.

I saw on a Filmdrunk blog post that David Cross responded to a Patton Oswald blog post with a blog post. (As an aside, I'll say that when I first saw that David Cross was in Alvin Et. Al, I was surprised, but I tend not to hold making easy duckets against people whose work I generally like; see: Owen Wilson.)

Anyway, for the conspiracy part.... On Filmdrunk, the excerpt of Cross's response includes, "They could have offered the part to Anthony Clark or Jim Breuer or Dat Phan, but then they wouldn't be able to balance out the empty void that Jason Lee brings to the film," but Cross's post reads, "They could have offered the part to Anthony Clark or Jim Breuer or Dat Phan, but then....".

Either Filmdrunk went all Madlib-y with Cross's post, or the source material got edited after the Filmdrunk post went up. Given the hiccup early in David Cross's post ("Ennuffs...monkey poo" repeats), I'ma go with the latter.

The reason David Cross would edit out the dig on Jason Lee is, I think, pretty obvious. YOU DON'T FUCK WITH SCIENTOLOGISTS!

2007-12-19T14:33:00.001-05:00

This is a fantastic goddam tattoo.

2007-12-14T14:28:00.000-05:00

My tattoo is too big. (from CollegeHumor)

Finally, the answer to the question that's plagued mankind for ages...

2007-12-10T11:23:00.000-05:00

How would The Roots react to 2 Girls 1 Cup*?

* No link, 'cause you can find it yourself, sicko.

It may seem childish...

2007-11-30T13:17:00.000-05:00

...to get worked up over whether a game journalist was fired over a negative review when there's, you know, a war going on.

That aside, though, for people to whom games matter, this is bad. Really bad.

I check Gamespot (among other sites) on a near daily basis for video game news and had taken note of the obscene saturation of Kane & Lynch ads. I've seen a couple of Kane & Lynch commercials, too, so I'm guessing Eidos is marketing the hell out of this game. Rumor has it that, in the wake of the "poor" review, Eidos has pulled hundreds of thousands of future ad dollars from Gamespot. Maybe it's naive to think that game critics (or movie critics or record critics) could actually work in an environment with no outside pressure or influence, but I'd hoped, at least that it was kept to a minimum.

Even if, as seems likely, Gerstmann's firing was a result of accumulated factors, a negative - and by all accounts, accurate - review of a major spender's product shouldn't have been "the straw."

Here's a video for Matt, since he can't find the hilarity in "Cops & Robbers"

2007-11-26T12:34:00.001-05:00

New Awesome Shows starting Sunday.

2007-11-16T09:53:00.001-05:00

Eff yeah!

There's an interview with Tim and Eric at the AV Club.

Read it.

Read it.

P.S. But don't start reading the comments. In the AV Club. Ever. For anything. It's a rule I've made and break every week and then regret having broken. DON'T MAKE MY MISTAKE!

Neat. Especially the bottle of water. (So it's too big...whatever.)

2007-11-14T12:58:00.001-05:00

"Nothing against Jason Lee...

2007-11-09T13:05:00.000-05:00

...but the guy's a Scientologist, and those people are nothing if not gullible."

Ha.

2007-10-29T10:43:00.001-04:00

Titillating spam

2007-10-29T09:23:00.000-04:00

Subject - Body

incur a king-size erectile organ Liz - Your sizeable fuckstick Freddy
So wide cock Erick - So enormous body part Lynn
Pat's walloping fuckstick - Wiley's monumental penis
too large shaft for Dawn - have a fat rod Lorena

These robots write some amazing erotica.

Bo Ryan rules, whilst other suckas drool(s)

2007-10-23T11:23:00.000-04:00

Huh.

2007-10-18T10:41:00.000-04:00

Is it weird that, until today, I didn't realize his name was spelled "D-W-Y-A-N-E"?

2007-10-09T14:50:00.001-04:00

One of the things I like about Firefox is the ability to organize your bookmarks in folders and then open those folders in tabs.

2007-10-05T11:28:00.000-04:00

As a result, I've got seven folders of blogs and shit, grouped by subject, that I check daily. One of the sites is Get Excited, which is written by Ricky VanVeen, an (the?) editor of College Humor. The blog, to my tastes, is much cleverer than CH.

Anyway, he'll write stuff like this which I think is really good, but then he writes stuff like this....

I only vaguely know who Jake Lodwick and Julia Allison are and could give a used rat's dick about them or their relationship. Apparently, the College Humor fellas and some Gawker blogs have some crazy feud (or at the least a somewhat contentious relationship). It seems a bit disingenuous though to say something like, "[t]he salary of a Gawker editor is somewhat correlated to the traffic generated by their posts. And JL/JA posts are popular," and not concede that the traffic generated also benefits JL/JA/RVV/CH/Etc.

As a side note, under What do I think? he mentions "Gawker blogs" and then under Does Jake follow the coverage? he says that Jake thinks that Gawker is "a black hole of negativity where losers go to hear about what winners are up to." I can only assume that this Jake character's beef is with Gawker.com proper and not Gawker Media generally, because I quite enjoy Deadspin (sports!), Kotaku (video games!), and Fleshbot (titties!). Of course, I don't read any of the gossip blogs (Gawker, Defamer, Wonkette, etc.), because all the gossip I need comes from What Would Tyler Durden Do?.

Lastly, how hard is it to guess that I don't feel like working today?

Alsome.

2007-10-03T11:40:00.001-04:00

New Blog to the Left

2007-10-02T10:42:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I've been writing a football blog. That's pretty much why the posts here have become fewer and farther between.

The blog's Load the Wagon, and there's a link on the sidebar.

Fin.

BOOM, SUCKA!

2007-09-28T12:45:00.001-04:00

Beee-autiful

2007-09-27T12:50:00.000-04:00

This restores my faith in humanity. Or at least movie reviewers.

Well, that settles that.

2007-09-25T09:14:00.000-04:00

When asked about the severe punishments facing gay people in Iran, Ahmadinejad said, "In Iran, we don't have homosexuals like in your country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I do not know who has told you that we have it."

You can't oppress someone who doesn't even exist. So obvious.

Here's a pretty good time waster.

2007-09-21T13:35:00.001-04:00

It's a slideshow of pictures recently uploaded into Blogger.

Blogger Play.

And it's handy, too. Case in point: I never would have seen the picture below without BP....

Don't fuck with campus cops.

2007-09-19T11:21:00.001-04:00

First there was that UCLA kid that got tasered for refusing to leave a campus library after hours after failing to provide identification.

Now there's the kid in Florida that got tasered at a speech given by John Kerry.

You know what I think? Good for the campus cops. Sure, it's nice and liberal-like to get your panties in a twist over shit like this, but face facts: in each of these cases the taserees were being disruptive in a public place and resisting arrest (to the extent that campus cops have the power to arrest).

In the UCLA library case, campus policy states that after a certain point in the evening, you need to be able to provide student identification or you have to leave. As an undergrad, I was denied entry to a campus library because I left my ID in my apartment, so you know what I did? Went and fucking got it. If you're breaking the rules, you have to leave; if you refuse to leave, you face the consequences.

This kid in Florida was giving civil discourse the old up and under. Reports say that he took the microphone out of order, cut off another student attempting to ask a question, and by the look of the video, had no interest in actually getting an answer to his "questions". Running off at the mouth in a public place will likely get you escorted out. Refusing to leave and fighting against the "man" will likely get your ass tasered.

Myspace...still awesome!

2007-09-14T13:30:00.001-04:00

You have to love some of the stupid shit you see on Myspace. For instance:

Under "Who I'd like to meet" an actual adult wrote, in all sincerity:

"The greatest martial arts trainers in the universe...and Jesus, so I can thank him...that would be great."

That would be great.

How depressingly true.

2007-09-14T13:01:00.000-04:00

Here.

Take it from me, '77 to '85 is all you need.

Another blog I've decided I like.

2007-08-20T14:42:00.000-04:00

As you can see by looking to the right, I like With Leather. WL got me into What Would Tyler Durden Do. WL and WWTDD pointed me to Filmdrunk which I've decided I like.

This was the post that officially sold me on With Leather and this is the one that did it for Filmdrunk. Can anybody guess what got me for each?

I'll let the article speak for itself.

2007-08-17T10:35:00.000-04:00

If you're going to sue your parents to get your earrings, Beanie Babies, and PlayStation (2, I'd guess), you're probably not mature enough to be married.

Especially to your former track coach that is 150% older than you.

Story here.

Is Wisconsin turning into the Big Ten's Florida State?

2007-08-14T13:12:00.001-04:00

Not to put the cart too far ahead of the horse, but apparently Bielema made Jack Ikegwuonu available to reporters, but told them not to ask about the Great XBox Robbery. Dave Heller, on his Journal Sentinel Big Ten blog, points to some pretty outspoken critics regarding discipline under Bielema.

I defended Bielema's discipline in an earlier post, but in light of the Williams-Smith reinstatement, and the video of James Kamoku giving Steve Breaston's leg the ol' one two (which I didn't remember, but yikes), any more incidents that don't meet any suspensions will put a big hurt on Wisco's rep.

Iver Anderson is my new favorite hoopster.

2007-08-13T11:34:00.001-04:00

F'reals....

Salame.

2007-08-07T12:46:00.000-04:00

2007-07-26T11:17:00.000-04:00

Brace yourselves, Falcons fans.

2007-07-18T10:14:00.000-04:00

The Joey Harrington era is nearly upon you. Yep, one R. Mexico was indicted with three other men, Purnell Peace (great name), Quanis Phillips (yes!), and Tony Taylor (meh; hopefully this guy's got a nickname like "Judgement Day") "on charges related to their alleged operation of a dogfighting ring...." (I very nearly typed "godfighting" which would have been way less accurate, but way, way more awesome.)

I don't know how much longer Roger Goodell's going to be able to wait before bringing down his patented suspension hammer. This is going to be a really interesting demonstration of how even handed Goodell is issuing punishment. When you look at the precedent he's set with Adam "Q-Bert" Jones and Tank "Johnson," you'd think that a full season suspension with possible reinstatement conditions would be the minimum, to start. (Those conditions would certainly involve things like volunteering at animal rescues, speaking out against dogfighting, and, while he was at it, probably avoiding other underground fighting operations, be they cockfighting, Pit Fighting, or Cambodian midget/lion fighting.)

But back to Joey Harrington right quick. I don't know why my opinion on this guy has changed, but, somehow, irrationally, I think that he could still be a decent quarterback. His rookie season, I disliked him and hoped he'd fail; probably a holdover from being bitter at the come-from-behind victory he orchestrated against Wisconsin at Oregon. My roommate at the time had liked him at Oregon, and, as I recall, as a rookie in Madden 2003. As his seasons in Detroit went by, and he was proving to be an indecisive quarterback, I guess I started to feel sorry for him. I mean, he was being scapegoated for the losses of a team that was terrible from the front office to the field. When he went to Miami, I actually felt he had a good shot to get his career back on track. Of course, he started the season backing up a quarterback who had no business starting, and then was inserted into the starting role for a team playing well below expectations and for a coach who had one foot out the door. Well, enough of me being a Harrington apologist, let's look at some numbers!

I'm going to look at career numbers, because even though Vick's been in the League a year longer, the career games played/started are pretty damn close (Vick: 74/67; Harrington: 69/66).

Attempts/Completions/Percentage/Yards

Vick: 1730/930/53.8/11,505
Joey: 2190/1209/55.2/12,478

Upgrade. It shouldn't come as a huge surprise that Harrington's got better passing numbers. He would be classified as a pocket passer, while Vick would be classified as "X-factor" or some bullshit. Harrington's yards per attempt are lower than Vick's, but I'd guess that's a result of Vick creating down-field opportunities by escaping the pocket, rather than playing in a strict West Coast system. Well, that is if the Maddens 2002 to 07 have taught me anything....

Touchdowns/Interceptions/Ratio

Vick: 71/52/1.37:1
Joey: 72/77/1:1.07

Ooh, downgrade. I guess it also shouldn't come as a huge surprise that more passing would result in more touchdowns (barely) and more interceptions (not so barely). Looking at the numbers behind the numbers, though, the teams that Harrington's been on have a combined record of 25-55, while Vick's teams have gone 47-48-1. Watching the Packers over the past few years has shown that when you're playing from behind, you've got to throw more, and frequently take chances.

Beyond that, Vick's had the benefit of getting a lot of help from the running game (which, sure, he contributes to). Since 2003, Harrington's teams have averaged about 25th in rush offense, whereas Vick's teams have averaged around 4th.

Rushing Attempts/Yards/Average/Touchdowns

Vick: 529/3859/7.3/21
Joey: 128/369/2.9/0

Okay, that's just a no-brainer. There hasn't been a quarterback that plays like Vick since QB Eagles in Tecmo Super Bowl, and there probably won't be another for a long, long time. What's certain, though, is that as Vick gets older, he's going to have to develop into more of a pocket passer, 'cause eventually he's going to lose a step, and the linebackers he's facing are going to keep getting faster and stronger. If he keeps scrambling, he's bound to end up on the wrong end of a Trent Green/Robert Geathers hit. As a side note, I am pretty surprised that after five years in the League, that Harrington hasn't scored a single touchdown running.

Since this is, apparently, Cart Ahead of the Horse week on this blog (see: impact of a Smith-Williams suspension), I actually don't think the Falcons are going to be too screwed if Vick's out for some, much of, or the whole season. On paper, the only games they should definitely lose are the two against New Orleans, against Indianapolis, and against Seattle; Minnesota and the two against Tampa Bay should be wins; the schedule is rounded out by games against teams that could be good (in order of most to least likely of finishing with a winning record): Jacksonville, Tennessee, Carolina, St. Louis, New York Giants, San Francisco, Houston, and Arizona.

It looks like Atlanta could finish anywhere between 4-12 and 10-6, but pressed, I'd say 8-8.

Oooh-kay.

I almost titled that last post...

2007-07-17T11:45:00.000-04:00

"Big Ten Big Crime," but second guessed it because it's pretty fucking lame.

However, a Google image search for the term (sans quotes) turns up a real gem:

Big Ten indeed!

A Wisconsin Badgers update by way of some other Big Ten news...uh...at first

2007-07-17T10:23:00.001-04:00

This morning I read about the sexual assault charges brought against Minnesota cornerback and kick returner Dominic Jones. What an asshole. Or rather, bunch of assholes, as three other Gophers had been previously arrested in regards to the investigation. Well, I thought, that's Minnesota athletics for you.

But then, later, I read in the Journal Sentinel, that Lance Smith-Williams (how long has he had two last names, by the way?) was arrested for being a grade-A jerkoff. Disturbingly, my first reaction was, "Way to fuck up our depth chart," but shortly thereafter, I thought about it rationally, and if he actually did what he's charged with (and it seems pretty likely that he did), he deserves whatever punishment Bielema doles out. Who knocks down a girl and then takes $20 and her shoes?

While there were scores of barely literate Razorback fans screaming in caps on forums web-wide that Jack Ikegwuonu was allowed to play in the Capital One game after he and his brother were arrested for breaking into an apartment and stealing an XBox, I think that Bielema has actually shown that he has a pretty low tolerance for criminal behavior. Sure, in addition to Jack Ike's non-suspension, you could also point to the now you see it now you don't suspension of Elijah Hodge for a case of mistaken scooter identity. On the other hand, though, you can point to the fact that Bielema's first order of business was dismissing Booker Stanley (then the Badgers top returning running back). Of course, Stanley did everything he could to make it impossible for Bielema to do anything but cut him by being a...how to put this delicately...complete fucking psychopath.

While I'll reiterate that I feel that, if guilty, Smith-Williams deserves whatever he gets, for a second, I can't help but look at the potential impact of a suspension or dismissal. PJ Hill missed spring practice while recovering from shoulder surgery. Even with limited summer conditioning and full participation in fall camp, he may need to play himself into shape. The Badgers are blessed with an absurdly light non-conference schedule (WASU at home, at UNLV, home against The Citadel - seriously? The Citadel? I've said it before, and I'll say it again, non-conference games like these will keep Wisconsin from the top of the polls....). Still, the process of breaking in a new quarterback is going to put a lot of emphasis on the running game, and in order to avoid burning Hill out by week ten, he can't be asked to carry the ball 30-40 times a game. With Smith-Williams out, and John Clay academically ineligible (or maybe not...), the next back on the chart would be true freshman Zach Brown (Scout.com says "with excellent speed, he could be the back the coaching staff is hoping Smith can become." Let's hope so.). Worst case scenario, Wisconsin could give some carries to the fullback (at 250 lbs, Bill Rentmeester would seem a likelier candidate to line up at tail back than Chris Pressley - at 270 - but Pressley could do a ton of damage in short yardage situations. Regardless, it'd probably be wishful thinking to hope for a Hebrew Hammer-like performance.)

I can't think of a conclusion paragraph, so I'm just going to stop. Y'know leave the audience wanting more or whatever.

Fin.

Jesus Christ isn't it football season yet?

2007-07-09T12:47:00.000-04:00

Rockstar's in a heaping helping of trouble.

2007-06-21T10:08:00.001-04:00

There's been a whole lot of buzz surrounding the upcoming release of Manhunt 2, especially it's appearance on the Wii - the gaming press was preparing everybody for the likely outcry that, by utilizing motion controls, the Wii version would be a "murder simulator." I never played Manhunt because, well, the premise never really struck me as a lot of fun. Movies like Saw and Hostel hold little appeal for me, so games based on sadism don't either. Beyond that, I've not really been drawn to many of Rockstar's projects* (the open world feel of the GTA series is fun for awhile, but the missions struck me as a little tedious).

So the big news, lately has been that the game's been denied a rating in Great Britain, which, in turn means it won't be sold there. Then, the ESRB handed down an Adults Only rating, which was a pretty severe blow for the possible sales (some retailers, WalMart, for instance, won't sell AO rated games). But that sales blow was about to get severer, when both Nintendo and Sony announced that they don't allow AO games to be played on their systems. (I've read on various message boards that Microsoft doesn't, either, but I guess there hasn't been an official response yet.)

At this point, Rockstar is going to have to decide if they're going to appeal the rulings in the UK and the US and/or make changes to the game in order to secure a Mature rating. While I wouldn't be surprised to see the UK ban stick, I'd guess that with some effort, Rockstar will secure an M rating in the US. In the long run, though, I think it will cause the company to reevaluate how they produce and market games. They've long thrived on the controversy surrounding their projects (to the point of misleading gaming and mainstream journalists - or, if not misleading, then at least purposely not correcting reported misconceptions - regarding the content of Bully), and now, it seems that toeing the line of acceptability has bitten them on the ass, not to mix metaphors or anything.

UPDATE: Sweet sassy molassy, Rockstar has indefinitely postponed Manhunt 2.

* Excepting Bully, which despite the pre-release shitstorm (that I suspect, as mentioned above, was welcomed and fostered, at least in part, by Rockstar), was a lot of fun. Granted, by the time it was done, I was ready for the end, it had been awhile since I'd played a sandbox game, so it was a fun diversion.

I can't believe this is actually real.

2007-06-11T12:35:00.001-04:00

Seriously, this has to be Photoshop. Right?

Has your posting slowed?

2007-06-11T09:41:00.001-04:00

Maybe you think you have a going problem. You may actually have a "growing" problem.

It might seem strange writing about an album that's nearly a year and a half old after posting irregularly for weeks (instead of, say, talking about anything that's actually happened in that time), but I do what I want.

You are not the boss of me.

I don't even give a care.

Anyway, Donuts by Jay Dee is awesome. I don't have many observations that haven't already been written by Pitchfork, or All Music, or The A.V. Club. Only All Music, though, really gets into messages that may or may not have been included by Dilla through samples, track titles, or even the name of the album itself.

It's impossible not to speculate about some things, like the track titled "Don't Cry," the looped "broken and blue" from a version of "Walk on By," the presence of Eddie Kendricks singing "My people, hold on," or the fact that there are 31 tracks, a possible signal that Dilla survived a little longer than he expected.... And you could probably make the album's title out to be a metaphor for the circle of life, but sometimes a donut is just a donut.

I did notice one thing about the record, that hadn't been written up, tying in to the album title. Perhaps the reason it wasn't touched on is because the reviewers all felt it was too obvious to need to put down explicitly, but anyway.... The first track is titled "Donuts (Outro)," the last, "Donuts (Intro)." The first starts abruptly, the last ends abruptly. In fact, it is one complete track split in the middle so that when the album is listened to on repeat, there's really neither a beginning nor an end. So there you have it.

Ho-ly horse nuts.

2007-06-08T09:41:00.000-04:00

I found this guy by way of Deadspin.

I've got to wonder why he insists on limiting his competition to the Continental USA since he pretty obviously lives in Mother Russia. (see: "Let's play for money?...I fly to you." You can't possibly read that without a Russian accent.)

It's nice to see he's "also available for tap dance and comedy shows." (A true jack off all trades.) But I wonder, does he mean he does comedy while he tap dances, or is it an either/or situation. Also, are his performances Tecmo Bowl themed? After all, he's pretty adamant that "Tecmo Bowl is a Lifestyle for" him. (And he must be serious...see how he capitalized "Lifestlye?" Serious.)

thingpart has done it again.

2007-05-30T14:01:00.000-04:00

Hilarious!

Nutritious and delicious...ly dangerous!

2007-05-22T14:01:00.000-04:00

I think someday I'd like to write a psychological thriller about an insane optometrist that stabs people's eyes out with sharpened carrots.

What the FUCK?

2007-05-18T10:24:00.000-04:00

This is the most absurd thing I've read in some time. I can't even...I mean....

Jesus Christ, the NFL is preaching "image first" (see: Pacman Jones suspension, probable Ron Mexico suspension), right, but somehow a rookie that wants to skip some phoney baloney publicity event to attend his team's mandatory minicamp is bad. You'd think that the desire to report to your team and get to know the veterans would be, y'know, a good thing.

I guess as we've found out, you can't say no to the league.

I guess MTV's not too concerned with all the TRL kids' heads exploding.

2007-05-17T14:54:00.000-04:00

This was a bulletin post I got on myspace 'cause Nick Kroll and I are totally tight like that. This will probably be the awesomest thing on MTV a long, long time.

from my good buddies from human giant:

Last week, MTV told us we could get 24 hours on MTV and MTV2 to do whatever we want. So on Friday, May 18th at noon - we'll take over both channels for a full day and will host live from MTV's Times Square studio. They're literally letting us do whatever we want - we can program whatever shows we want, have guests, bands, music videos, anything! We just have to stay up for 24 hours and get a million hits on our website.

Here are a few of the guests we have coming down, (more bands and guests will be announced later in the week):

Fred Armisen
Will Arnett
Todd Barry
Jon Benjamin
Andy Blitz
Michael Cera
Zach Galifianakis
Jon Glaser
Bill Hader
Nick Kroll
Eugene Mirman
The National
Bob Odenkirk
Rob Riggle
Slovin and Allen
Michael Showalter
Tapes 'n Tapes
Ted Leo
Tegan and Sara

If you are near NY and want FREE tickets to be in the audience, just send an e-mail to battleofthebands@mtvstaff.com and please include the following:

-Name
-Age
-Phone number

Of course, you are not obligated to stay in the audience for the full 24 hours and can stay as long as you want from what I understand. It should be really fun.

B-Favre 07'd probably have a pretty hard time displacing the starter, though.

2007-05-17T12:09:00.000-04:00

Oh, The Onion, you've done it again.

With NFL minicamps starting up (which leads to preseason football, the start of college football, and then the beginning of the pro season) it's the time of year when a young man's fancy turns to football.

As a result, soon, I'll post a post that has to do with...football. Sure, there'll probably be some NCAA and NFL wide talk, but it's primarily going to concern the Badgers (I haven't watched much SportsCenter lately, but today, before work, I saw a teaser for some sort of All-Access Wisconsin feature - hopefully that'll turn out better for the football team that it did for Bo's squad in the tourney - anybody know if that's a one time or ongoing feature?) and the Packers (complete with thoughts on the Brett Favre soap opera - including whether or not he's becoming a locker room cancer - and thoughts on how next season will pan out).

As a football fan, I'll try to remain impartial, but as kind of a Wisconsin homer, it'll probably tend to skew to the positive for Bucky and Green Bay.

Anyway, keep your peepers peeped.

2007-05-15T14:38:00.000-04:00

Well, that should be the end of that.

2007-05-14T13:03:00.000-04:00

From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:

Following a report this weekend that Brett Favre asked the Green Bay Packers to be traded after last month's draft, the team this morning issued the following statement from Favre:

"I was frustrated a couple weeks back when Randy Moss was traded to New England. I never wanted to be traded and I don't want to be traded. I want to be in Green Bay. I want to finish my career as a Packer. Sometimes when I get frustrated I let my emotions get the better of me.

"As I said in February when I announced that I was coming back, I am excited about the young talent on our team and the improvements we're going to see from one year to the next. I really enjoy the young guys I'm playing with. I'm working hard down in Mississippi right now, rehabbing, and I plan to be in the best shape of my life.

"I look forward to playing with this team and seeing what we can do. I think we can be pretty good."

"We are optimistic about the 2007 season."

2007-05-14T09:50:00.000-04:00

Aw, hell.

While I was watching basketball last night, "Foxsports.com reports Favre requested trade after draft" crept across the bottom of the screen. My initial reaction was one of slight nausea. Not necessarily because I thought that Favre was really looking to get out of town, but because I'd tried to convince myself that Ted Thompson had a plan that he was seeing through this off season. I mean, last year's free agency period came and went without much action (save the monster deal Woodson got) and the draft was defined by trading down for more picks (save AJ Hawk early in the first). A lot of the draft picks went on to contribute leading to an 8-8 season and a near miss for a Wild Card spot. I'd kind of hoped this year was going to play out the same way.

Now, having had the chance to read some more about the statements Favre made and the trade rumors, it seems to me a lot like Brats & Beer summed it up:

Brett Favre is a great quarterback and competitor, but no one has ever accused him of being savvy with the media. When he talks to the press it’s like he’s thinking out loud, just free associating whatever is in his head. Last year in a rambling press conference he said he thought the squad was the most talented he’d been on and we all knew that wasn’t true; he was just trying to get players and fans motivated for the season because that’s what he does.
I’m sure this jumbled mess of words came tumbling out of his mouth because Favre is disappointed that the Packers were not able to sign Moss, but does it mean he’ll up and quit the team? Will there be a dark cloud over Green Bay when Favre reports to mini-camp this week? I doubt it. Next week after spending time with the players, I’m sure Favre will say we’re headed to the Super Bowl.

I've always felt their needs to be a division of responsibilities in a sports organization. The reason a HC/GM is destined to fail is that both jobs require too much time for one person to handle and a whole different set of skills. Well, you can probably say the same about a starting quarterback. For instance, consider:

"Our offense struggled last season," Favre told Biloxi Sun-Herald reporter Al Jones, who is a close friend of the Favre family's. "If it were not for our defense, we would not have won eight games. Right now, it's hard to be optimistic. I'm not getting any younger, and I think everyone knows that. I don't have five years to rebuild. No one in Green Bay is saying rebuild, but it's hard to look at where we are going and say, 'How can they not be rebuilding?'

"I don't know if I've lost faith, and I think everyone in the organization wants to win. I just don't know if it includes me. If it's going to be five years from now, I'm not going to be here. This is 17 years for me, and I want to win."

He's right in one regard...if it were not for the defense, they probably wouldn't have won eight games. They may won nine or ten. At the very least, the nutso comeback that they allowed against New Orleans in Green Bay should have been a win. You can put some of it, sure, on the offense for not increasing the lead, but the defense certainly shouldn't be given a pass there.

At any rate, until Favre holds a press conference to confirm or deny this trade request, you can bet that it's going to be exhausted in the sports media.

AWESOME!

I dunno, Shark Attack 3 looks pretty good to me.

2007-05-11T14:29:00.000-04:00

Also, biggish series for the Crew against the Mets starting tonight. Stick it to 'em, Milwaukee!

2007-05-04T09:55:00.000-04:00

The NFL Draft has come and gone

2007-04-30T11:39:00.000-04:00

I'll probably get into some of the particulars later on, but let me say, first and foremost, man am I glad I've got the NFL Network. I flipped over to ESPN during commercials and was struck, but not surprised, by the shitfest going on. While I could have done with out the NFL Network's spoken word bumpers, every other part of their telecast trumped what I saw of ESPN's.

And, based on PTI all last week, I thought Kornheiser was supposed to be at the Draft. I didn't see or hear him once in the few dozen times I switched over to the WWL. Wha' happened?

The NFL Draft is almost here

2007-04-25T11:35:00.000-04:00

Last weekend, at dinner with friends, I mentioned that I was pumped up for the Draft, at which point my friend Russell informed me "nobody fucking cares about the Draft." A quick note about Russell: he only follows football for fantasy football, and only then because his girlfriend - and honest to gee sports fan - got him into it. Also, apparently, Russell doesn't have testicles.

I'm in full agreement with Big Daddy Drew over at KSK regarding his stance against Draft naysayers. (The bit "Pardon the shit outta me for getting excited about new players coming to my team. Sorry for being a fan," says it as well as I possibly could.) Further, his itinerary seems pretty solid. (The only amendments I'd make are that I'll prolly watch the NFL Network's coverage*, and waiting 'til 5 o'clock to start drinking is ridiculous; what is this, Communist Russia?) Observations like the network breaking to commercial right before new information on the crawl and any information about your team coming out in the few minutes you go to the bathroom or the kitchen are spot on.

Of course, the main draw, for me, will be Green Bay's picks, especially in the first two rounds. Their first round pick has long been considered to be Marshawn Lynch, who met with the Packers, and whose back problems have been signed off on by team doctors. The pick should hit, barring too many trades, between 4:30 and 5:00**, or after roughly six hours of my ass on the couch.

Adam Schefter's got an interesting story about Larry Johnson on the trade block; apparently, a possible destination is Green Bay. It sounds like Kansas City's taking a long look at picking a running back this year:

[T]hey've hosted visits with California's Marshawn Lynch, Ohio State's Antonio Pittman, Florida State's Lorenzo Booker and Louisville's Kolby Smith. They've even told some of the players' agents that they plan to pick a running back high.

Thing is, the only first rounder on that list is Lynch, and with Green Bay interested and ahead of Kansas City, the only sure fire way to land him would be to trade up. I suppose it's possible that they could trade Johnson and their first round pick to the Packers to move up seven spots, but that probably wouldn't be a particularly good trade for Kansas City based on the value chart. It seems Buffalo, at number 12 overall, would make more sense.

I've gotten so used to the idea that Lynch was going to be the first round pick that I'm not sure how I'll feel if that doesn't work out. Though Johnson is a productive and experienced back, he's always struck me as a crybaby with a chip on his shoulder. If Kansas City went through with the Johnson/number 23 to Buffalo for number 12, then who would Green Bay take at number 16? Maybe Adam Carriker or Levi Brown, if they fell that far, but since they've got a big need at tight end and the talent pool's so thin, maybe Greg Olsen, though a mid-first round pick is probably about a half dozen spots higher than he's worth. I guess only time will tell...

...How awesome watching the Draft is. Suck it, haters.

* For last year's Draft, I tuned in to TWWL's coverage only to be smacked in the face by some ridiculous intro with dramatic camera angles and lighting, and some guy in a tuxedo that was "welcoming" me to the draft as though he was either: 1. introducing a prize fight in the '50s; 2. introducing a King Kong-esque spectacle in the '30s; or, 3. a high class carnival barker. In any event, he had some sort of on again, off again phoney-baloney British accent. Less than a minute of that was enough to cause me to switch over to NFLN to find Rich Eisen, Mike Mayock, and, I think, Corey Chavous sitting at a desk without any bullshit techno music or cartoons or whatever. That's the way I want to watch Draft coverage. I only hope that this year, my Directv channel 95 has the NFLN's coverage; see 95's the "empty" HD channel that sometimes shows HD stuff from NBATV, sometimes NFLN, and whatnot. I'm not saying that ESPN in high def would definitely be enough to overrule NFLN, after all, I'd still have to deal with Berman and all his tip-the-pick ass-hat-ery, but I do like stuff in HD....

** I do think in this day and age of electronic communication, the NFL can seriously cut the amount of time the actual draft takes. If I were asked how, I'd say: Limit each pick to ten minutes. After ten minutes are up, the clock enters a five minute overtime period, of which each team receives a finite number for the entire draft (say, three). This isn't fifteen additional minutes for the draft, though; if a pick runs over by ten seconds, that team has burned one of their overtimes. A traded draft pick is ineligible for overtime; a team trading picks should have a pretty good idea who they want with that pick. If an overtime period expires, the pick is forfeited. UPDATE: I didn't take into account that later rounds are shorter than the first round "on the clock" so the draft shortening rules would have to be modified. Still, I think the draft could be shorter.

Myspace: Allowing Experts to be Experts

2007-04-16T10:41:00.000-04:00

I realize Myspace is pretty played out, but I gotta be honest, it's still a great time waster. While it's all well and good to simply troll around, sometimes you get a glimpse of some real, real deep thought*.

The other day, I came across this gem of a blog entry:

Am I the only person who is absolutely fascinated with Quantum Physics?? I can't get enough of this stuff. The more I learn about it, the more I become fascinated and yearn to learn more and try to find more people who are experts at it to tell me more. I love Quantum Physics more than I love being "famous" or whatever. Finding answers or solviing mysteries that have been in our world for centuries and centuries astounds me!

Wow, Quantum Physics...that's a pretty heavy subject. I'd never have guessed by this person's profile that they were into, well, any kind of science, let alone Quantum Physics. But if they love it more than being "'famous' or whatever," that's saying something.

One particular reason why I am so absolutely intrigued by this subject is because I have learned or realized that ever since I was a child I have had a lot of unusual experiences, which at that time I could not understand yet. As time passed and I had more knowledge soley based off of my real life experiences, I started realizing that a lot of the events that took place in my life and my dreams always came true because there is a certain way that I project and manifest these things. A lot of it has to do with hard work of course, but let's skip the logistics of the typical answer to the question often asked, "HOW DID YOU MANIFEST YOUR DREAMS INTO REALITY?" Well a lot of it has to do with science, beleve it or not.....and of course Quantum Physics.

Well, I guess Quantum Physics explains some unusual experiences that mankind doesn't yet understand. But I don't know how Quantum Physics really factors into making your dreams come true. And by "dreams," does this author mean aspirations or, like, dreams. Last night, for instance, I dreamt I got free tickets to an outdoor Chicago Bulls game (I think they set up a court at Soldier Field) from a radio station promotion, but then couldn't find anyone that wanted to go with me. Could Quantum Physics make that dream a reality?

As a child I always knew I had something special because I was always so in tune and in sync with my intuitions, more so than others around me. I used to keep these things to myself because, well, talking about such topics would make me seem "wierd" to which I have always been a little "wierd" my whole life.
I don't know why I am telling you guys this but this is just really facsinating to me and the more I learn about it, the more I grow as a person and understand my role in life and what I am set out to do in life. It makes everyday less of a struggle and more of living in pure form of BLISS. Bliss is not something you can persue like "happiness" Bliss is a state of being and understanding. I can go on about this for days as I have known so much about this "wierd" science stuff since I was a child.....but seeing how I am now in a position of power due to my massive influence, I felt that I might as well share something somewhat insighful and continue to spread this positive energy wave that I have been sending out to everyone.

Ummm...wait, this is "science stuff"? And "Massive influence"? Oooh-kaaaay.... Well, I suppose spreading a positive energy wave is a good thing. Unless it's some sort of positively charged energy wave that, like, jams radars and causes things to explode or something.

Just another day inside "Tila's" head.....LOL....Maybe one day I will actually write a book about all of my thoughts and how I "REALLY" "MADE IT" and what I did in order to turn my drreams into a reality, aside from "working hard".....there's a lot more to it, but I will save it for my book. The question is....will you guys read it? hehe....There's a lot more to me that I tend to project out there but sometimes it is just easier to go with one thing that everyone see's you as. Saves the confusion for the people as a mass, however every now and then.....I will share with you the "REAL" Tila......Goodnight.

A book about how she "'REALLY' 'MADE IT'" would probably be fascinating. Part auto-biography, part self-help book, all awesome. I like to think she'd name it "HOW DID YOU MANIFEST YOUR DREAMS INTO REALITY?", though the I don't think the book would suffer if the title was mixed case; all-caps might be a bit too aggro.

Love
Tila
PS-RANDOM TILA FACT: I AM DYSLEXIC....SO I JUST GOT TIRED OF FIXING MY SPELLING ALL THE TIME AND JUST LET IT BE! NUMBERS AND LETTERS JUMP AROUND ON ME A LOT. THAT IS PROBABLY ALSO THE MAIN REASON WHY I AM HORRIBLE WITH DIRECTIONS BECAUSE EVERYTHING GOES BACKWARDS IN MY MIND. I COULD BE CATEGORIZED AS SOMETHING CALLED AN "IDIOT SAVANT"

You can't beat that sign off. I think that the inclusion of "something called" or, wait, I mean "SOMETHING CALLED" (sorry) really shows that she's on a higher plane of thought. I mean, I'd say, "A donkey could be categorized as a mammal," but saying, "A donkey could be categorized as something called a mammal," implies that "mammal" doesn't really mean anything, it's just a label that humans have invented. So, really, what is the true nature of something called a "donkey" or what we call "life," man?

BAM! QUANTUM PHYSICS MOTHERFUCKER!

* Perhaps my all-time favorite Myspace nugget, though, which was on some profile that I couldn't even guess how I ended up reading, is a story about some guy and his girlfriend on a motorcycle. Basically, this dude's driving his motorcycle kind of aggressively and his girlfriend is all, "Slow down," and he's all, "Don't worry about it, just hold on," and she's all, "Seriously, you're scaring me," and he's all, "Haha, don't be a chicken, but take my helmet and put it on." Which she does and then they're really speeding along and then they he says, "Hold on, baby.... I love you." And then they wipe out and she's okay but he dies and then it turns out that the brakes went out and he knew about it but didn't panic because he didn't want her to panic so that she'd put on the helmet and live through the crash. The whole thing was so awesomely ridiculous on so many levels, and the fact that it touched someone enough for them to want to spread it around is just...great.

UPDATE: Matt points out that I didn't provide the identity of the Myspace scientist blogger. I didn't think that the attribution of the brain busting post was that important. I figured any readers could do some detective work if their interest was high enough, but the lazy can click here.

Godammit, I LOVE Bill Walton!

2007-04-13T10:38:00.000-04:00

The guy is a National Treasure. (link via With Leather)

Cleveland Indians, Milwaukee-fied

2007-04-11T13:44:00.000-04:00

Hopefully Wilbon'll have a little egg on his face in today's PTI. After saying that moving the Indians/Angels series to Milwaukee was the worst idea in the history of ideas and that attendance wouldn't top 10,000, over 19,000 fans turned out. Eat it, Willybuns.

What's more*:

When it all was finished, the team that hadn't played since last Wednesday pounded out 10 hits en route to a 7-6 win over the Los Angeles Angels. Yet afterwards, the buzz in the Indians clubhouse wasn't Sizemore's three stolen bases or Shoppach's game-ending laser of a throw that nailed Erick Aybar attempting to steal second base.
No, the Indians wanted to talk about this crowd. And more specifically, a slow-motion wave that the fans did during the seventh inning that nearly put the team in a trance. The slow motion wave is a tradition that was started during football games at the University of Wisconsin.
"It was one of the coolest things I had ever seen," Borowski said. "I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me."
"I had never seen the slow-mo wave before," manager Eric Wedge said. "That locked me up."

That's right, Wisconsin sports fans know how to kill it.

This was the best slow-motion wave video I could find.
Trust me, if you see it in real life, it'll rip your brain off.

No.

2007-04-11T10:24:00.000-04:00

As in the answer to the question:

Should 'Guitar Hero II' and other games advertising certain playable songs give you immediate access to them?

Yeah, no. (UPDATE: Well, maybe. see below)

I can't even fathom an argument for answering, "Yes." (UPDATE: Actually, yes I can. again, below) Almost every video game has locked content. You don't start Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal with all the weapons and armor at your disposal. If you did, the early levels would be way, way too easy and you wouldn't acquire the skillz to deal with the more hectic (and, in some cases, frustrating) later levels.

Further more, isn't it sort of assumed that every video game has an end scene? Is it reasonable to think that you should be able watch the end of the game the first time you load it? Uhhhh, no.

When I first brought Guitar Hero home, I fully expected that most of the songs would be locked. That's why I went to Game Faqs and downloaded a game save that had everything unlocked. (Granted, I have a bit of software* that allows me to move game saves from a PC to the PS2 using my PSP. I don't know how these game saves are managed on XBOX 360 or PS3 - I'm guessing it's way easier, though.)

Long story long, the basic nature of the topic - not having to "earn" "rewards" (in fucking video games, let alone, y'know, real life) - just really gets my goat. Jonah Falcon, either man up and actually play a video game, or just cheat, like me.

* Since I primarily play sports games**, I got mine - without the memory card at Best Buy for $15 - so I could have NCAA football and basketball rosters with all the players named without having to spend weeks entering them myself.

** I realize this is sort of wailing on Barbaro, but would it make any sense to "win" the Super Bowl or NCAA Tournament without actually playing the game? "Unlocking is for kiddies." What a douche.

UPDATE: Okay, Matt called me out on my opposition to the idea of doing away with locked content in games while also being fine with cheating. I responded in the comments, which may or may not be sufficient. Anyway, the more I thought about it, the less pissed off I got. I can see the argument that could be made for a game (especially like Guitar Hero) having all stages/fighters/songs/teams, etc., unlocked in a Quick Play or Multi-player mode while keeping locked content in a Single Player/Career/Story mode.

I do think that's pretty much the only reasonable case to be made. Look, collecting (coins, rubber bands, breaking boxes) has been a mainstay of platformers (and now sandbox games) for years. My obsession with completing games at 100% ended sometime in high school. Sure, I realize that that means I might miss out on hidden levels or a super bonus ending, but until I play a game in which the resolution of the story is left, well, unresolved by beating it at less than 100%, I don't really care.

You might say that when you buy a book or movie you're not denied content, so buying a game (at three, four, or five times the cost) should entitle you to complete access. Well, I say you are entitled to it, and that you do have access to it. But in order to access that locked content, you've got to jump through the hoops that the game developers have laid out...kinda what you have to do when you, y'know, play the game. If someone can provide me with an example of a game that has locked content that is actually impossible to access (Hot Coffee doesn't count; first, it was something the developers had never intended for anyone to access, and, well, people accessed it anyway)

Long story longer, I hereby retract (or at least revise) my stance on opposing locked content as applied to party games, but only those.

This is all pretty self-explanatory

2007-04-09T14:22:00.000-04:00

Karen sent me a link to Overheard in New York, which has some pretty solid stuff, but as far as wasting my time's concerned, it's hard to beat Engrish.com.

Two down, one up

2007-04-09T13:59:00.000-04:00

Dammit! 1-2 against the Cubs. Friday and Saturday (losses) were on WGN so I got to see (most of) those. I had to run to the store to get a bag of ice on Friday and missed the top of the first which was pretty much the ballgame. The defense got on track but the Brewers bats were awfully quiet.

On Saturday I was in and out of the living room, but saw enough of the game to realize that Milwaukee couldn't find a rhythm.

Then, Milwaukee won on Sunday - the one series game not on WGN. I'm not particularly superstitious, but there are weird bits that crop up at various times. When I was in middle and high school, my dad tended bar on the weekends* and would sometimes set the VCR to record Packers games. There was a three or four game stretch where there were either close calls or losses on days that he set the recorded the games and convincing wins when he forgot. After that, my mom explicitly forbade him from recording the games. Having this sort of irrational rationale tucked away in the back of my brain, I started wondering if I shouldn't watch Brewers games when they're televised or if the reason that Milwaukee lost the games that I "watched" was that I didn't actually watch the whole game, beginning to end. Any run of the mill crazy person could plainly see what a dilemma this is.

I realized something about this mustache campaign. I'm really going to need to commit to wearing this thing through the season or getting rid of it in the next few weeks. If I were to shave this thing off in the middle of July, I'd have this really weird mustache-shaped patch of untanned skin on my face. From a distance it'd probably look like I had a mustache that I bleached light blond and from close up like a skin disease.... I guess the upcoming series at Florida and at St. Louis will play a pretty big factor.

* There was about a seven year stretch during which, with the exception of Christmas Day, a week in November for deer hunting, and a weekend in the spring for the state bowling tournament, my dad worked seven days a week. Even after I started working after school and on weekends and breaks I didn't realize what that meant. A few years ago, I worked seven days a week for a month and thought I was going to die.

Two up, one down

2007-04-05T09:08:00.000-04:00

Disappointing result, I guess, especially since it seems Suppan did his part. Still, I'll take a .666 winning percentage.

The Brewers' games against the Scrubs on Friday and Saturday are gonna be on WGN, which means I'll get to watch them. So I got that going for me...which is nice.

In mustache related news, I'm hoping the movement's gonna gain some traction. It's amazing what a link from a megasite like Deadspin will do. A post I made after the Badgers beat the Boilermakers at football last fall got picked up by the Isthmus Daily Page and I got, like, a hundred hits, which I thought was pretty big time. Well, yesterday at about 3 o'clock Tempin' Ain't Easy had had about 2,000 hits since inception (last August) prolly half of which were me. In the last 18 hours, there've been 1,000. But I digress. If even 5% of those hits result in mustaches, well, that'll be 50 new Brewers Nation 'staches that should translate into, I don't know, another 5 wins for the Brewers*.

I think since it's a long weekend, I'ma work up a Mustaches for Milwaukee graphic that likeminded bloggers can sport on their sidebars to further spread the word.

* There is mad scientific research at work here. Do not question my methods.

Oh, and another reason Milwaukee's awesome

2007-04-04T10:47:00.000-04:00

Riiiiigght...here.

Watch out for the Brewers, baby

2007-04-04T09:58:00.000-04:00

What a fantastic start to the season.

Initially, I wasn't going to sign up for MLB Gameday Audio this year 'cause I didn't listen to as many Brewers games as I thought I would over the last two seasons, but I'm starting to get that itch. Besides, there's no telling how long Ueck's gonna be calling games, so we've all gotta get while the getting's good.

On the downside, I can't listen to the games at work (although, after the first few weeks, weekday afternoon games kinda peter out). On the upside, MLB.com's Gameday presentation is fantastic. There are diagrams showing the field and base runners, a diagram showing the batter and strike zone that logs each pitch, diagrams archiving previous pitch counts and locations that can be brought up and reviewed any time, and tons of other shit that I haven't even figured out. I mean, CBS Sportsline's Game Center is great for football games, but MLB.com really brings the thunder offering up pretty much everything you could think about wanting. (Of course, this is the Gameday feature that got the Ex-'Burgher fired.)

I've already figured out the half dozen or so games I'm going to be able to watch (mostly via WGN; ESPN has only scheduled one Brewers game - against the Cardinals - and Fox has only scheduled none Brewers game; hopefully, if Milwaukee keeps on the right track, they'll get a few games picked up nationally mid-season. Get on this, you network stiffs! UPDATE: Kate the super genius/Mets fan reminded me that there are a million Braves games on tv, too, and that some of 'em are bound to be against the Brewers. Thanks, Kate!)

Anyway.

You may or may not remember my response to Dan Kois' Brewers season preview, but I heartily encouraged Brewers Nation to grow some fuckin' mustaches. In retrospect, I should have been more (internet) vocal about this campaign; y'know, hitting up Brewers bloggers, posting about the campaign over at Deadspin, crafting chain letters that threaten certain death for not growing a mustache and convincing friends and family to do the same. (As far as my family's concerned, there are a whole lot of mustaches by default...no convincing required.) The only positive response I got was from my boy Steve up in Madison.

I don't know if Steve has kept this beauty. My head says, "No,"
but my heart says, "Yes, a thousand times yes!"

I can't say whether any other Brewers fans that might have happened upon this weblog grew any 'staches (I choose to believe...yes), but there are some seriously positive 'stache vibes out there. 'Cause the Crew's 2-0 and this train's gonna keep on rolling. For any of you late-comers, it's never to late to support your club by not shaving your upper lip.

Perhaps surprisingly, Karen hasn't tried to convince me
to shave this bastard off.

In closing, while I didn't hold up my end of the bargain (to...well, myself, I guess) spreading the word about Mustaches for Milwaukee, it's high time I started.

Grow some damn 'staches!

Y'know what sucks?

2007-03-23T10:58:00.000-04:00

The fact that it's impossible to find any Oldy Olsen clips on the internerd.